Yep, as some of you may have heard...i screwed up. While doing a wood trim job for a friend, I accidently ran 3 fingers through a table saw blade. After contemplating and attempting to place blame on something or someone other than myself, I concluded with pointing 3 damaged fingers at myself. It really couldn't have come at a worse time. I couldn't place blame on anyone but myself... as I told my mom, "Mom, I basically walked on someone else's property and shot myself in the hand and then went to the ER." For those who don't know, I, like Paul who made a living in Corinth by making tents, am a tile contractor. My dad graciously taught me the trade; I was his trainee for 2 years and now live in Boise doing what he taught me. 8 months out of the year I work at the Boise Vineyard co-leading a discipleship school. For those who don't know what that even means, it means we teach the Bible book by book helping our students from all over the world go into a deeper more genuine relationship with Jesus by observing, interpreting and applying scripture. So we simply point them to Him, their real Rabbi. Like Shane Claiborne says, there are a lot of people who teach or write books on leadership, but there isn't much on "followership". So we simply do that, use the Word to transform the students from the inside out and lead them to be better followers of their Rabbi, Jesus, thus making them better future leaders of man. So, that I guess was a shameless plug for the School of Biblical Action (http://www.vineyardcollege.org/soba/Default.aspx). But I really love what I do (as unconventional it is), both discipling young people, and tiling all the while attempting to lead a simple and frugal lifestyle. But (back to the nasty pictures above) working with my hands got turned into working with hand, one hand on the morning of September the 8th. It's been a rough last few weeks and because of this event, I admit I felt like I curled up and put myself in a dryer machine and someone turned it on and I came out really dizzy. My perspective was off. People have said, "Eric, at least you still have your fingers." And yes, it is true, and they mean well but...when you feel like you are at bottom you are at bottom and it got a bit frustrating. I love process with my God, He isn't afraid or intimidated when I throw out an accidental swear word as a shark tooth like blade runs through my hand, He isn't afraid when I sink into depression for a few days because it seemed like all I knew was working with my hands, He isn't even insecure when I'm not looking to Him at that very moment, and He isn't condemning me when I come back to His feet and say, sorry Father... I need you. God isn't intimidated by man; for us who have thought differently are wrong, we serve Jesus, who rules over creation (Colossians 1.15-23). God isn't afraid of our lamentations... look at Jeremiah, David, Solomon, Paul, and even Jesus and many many others. For some reason the lame typical "Christian" culture that I feel like I grew up in and still find lingering like bad BO has told us that life is perfect and that it is bad to be sad or when you are sad you have to put up a front that says, "I'm fine" when people ask. Well it isn't, $hit happens. Thankfully in the Kingdom, life isn't perfect, but it is still good! God wants a real relationship with His children, all of them! I love wisdom literature (Job, Psalms, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, Song of Solomon, and James). I have been going through Ecclesiastes and love the realness to this wisdom, spoken through a man who knew what it was to have everything and nothing. He was given wisdom through his life's success and failures and wrote some good stuff because of it!
In chapter 2 verse 1 and 4 of Ecclesiastes Solomon says...
"There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven:"
"...a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance..."
In chapter 7 verse 13 and 14 he says...
"Consider what God has done:
Who can straighten what He has made crooked?
When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider:
God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore man cannot discover anything about his future."
This is echoed when Jesus says in the gospel of Matthew chapter 6 verse 33 and 34 to seek the kingdom first and to not worry about tomorrow because each day has enough trouble of its own.
So Solomon contrasts good times with bad times, but both, he is attempting to draw the same conclusion... to be happy (or content), or to at least eventually come to happiness. There is purpose in what happened to me, God didn't necessarily do it to me but He definitely allowed it. My job has been to process through it and to share some of that process with others (you). So as mangled as my hand was and is, doesn't mean it's not a miracle, cause it is! My girlfriend Melissa came in my room in the ER with cute little tears in her eyes and I assured her that as bad as it looked, it was still a miracle (that by the way was the only time I cried during this, it was her fault...her tears running down her cute face were contagious). It was a miracle because it was my left hand and not my right, my bones were fine (it only cut through the tendon in my index finger), the home owner was home and able to rush me to the ER, even with the cost of it things seem to be working out.
There you go, for those interested. And for those who weren't, at least you got to see some cool pictures. So if anything, leave with this... you serve or could serve Jesus, one who isn't afraid of you and your "crazy" thoughts that you think only you have: He is jealous for hearts and is jealous for an honest and genuine relationship with you. So at least give Him that much. He knows our hearts and minds, He did create them... so much irony. So let your good days be good days and your bad be bad; but don't let them stay bad, find a way out of that perspective eventually by doing what you need to do to have that perspective change we all need. Mine personally didn't come at one distinct moment, it was through conversation and process with Him... first ignoring Him in this and wallowing in self-pity (honestly) and then finally acknowledging Him, who was already present. So I can find joy in this; not just because I have my fingers, but because I serve a God who actually genuinely cares and simply want's to talk to me and hear from me. So when God asks, "how are you doing?" He doesn't want to be answered with, "I'm fine".
To those of you who helped me look on the bright side, thank you. You were right, it just took a few days, there really is so much to be thankful for.
Thanks for all of your thoughts, prayers, and concern.
As Paul ended his second letter to the Corinthians,
May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ,
and the love of God,
and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all.
